I agree with what you're saying, but I still don't have that much sympathy for moms. I can see that is what motherhood is, why didn't THEY stop to notice before having kids? To me it's the equivalent of chopping off your hand and then saying, "Damn, it's so hard to do anything with only one hand! You have no idea how horrible this is!" Um, yes I do; that's why I didn't chop off my hand.
Worse, the martyr attitude of, "I NEVER get a day off because the baby-daddy won't take the kid, ever" doesn't endear me to them, either. What, they can't hire a babysitter? Or have friends or relatives watch the kid(s) while they get out once in a while? They won't get help unless they ask for it.
giveagirlabreak
· 1 year ago
Maybe these moms should have spent time with kids to find out what it was like to live with them before having some.
And then maybe they should have picked a decent man to reproduce with.
It's not like they fell accidentally into a vat of semen through no fault of their own. Avoiding the nightmare of single motherhood is not exactly on the same level as nuclear engineering or something.
Miss Q
· 1 year ago
Someone I know has acutally done that. I mean... leaving her kid with dad and making a run for it. It's not easy to be a single father. The poor guy has no time to himself, is always on the verge of collapsing and unlike single moms, he has very little support from other single dads, because there are almost none. Poor guy...
Feh23
· 1 year ago
My question to women in you friend's situation isn't so much "Why'd you have a kid?" But more "Why'd you have two more?". Sure maybe some folks need the direct experience to find out that life is hard with one hand, but why do they make it harder by cutting off the other hand, and then their right foot on top of that?
It takes two people to make a child, but really only the female gets to decide whether or not to keep it. Every person who decides to breed should seriously ask themself "What if I end up raising this kid alone?". Marriage, even to the most glorious person in the world, is no guarantee. Marriages fail, and people die, all the time. And even if the marriage remains intact, it's usually up to the mother to do most of the grunt work of raising children. I know a childed couple where Dad stays at home during the day, while Mom works full time, his work schedule is appointment based. I used to think that was pretty cool until I found out that the way it fleshes out is that Dad stays home and cares for the kid all day, when Mom comes home he hightails it off to band practice (because he Must Have man time)leaving her to do the cleaning, cooking and all the other crap work that goes along with keeping house.
Mercurior
· 1 year ago
but its not all the mans fault. i am a man.. i have seen women just use no protection and still expect the man to provide.
it does take 2, did she really speak to the man and hear what he said and what he didnt say.
did she want these children and expect him to be a wonderful father.
to just blame the men for not being there, i know stories about men who want to be there in their kids lives, but the women doesnt allow it.
this woman i have ranter about elsewhere, she has 4 kids 4 different fathers, she never used protection and the men she got involved with 2 are criminals and drug dealers (and drug takers), and she still expected them to stay when they were irresponsible to begin with. did she have the kids to change him.
there are both sides to this (i am not saying men are innocent all the time, just there is an equal amount of blame and guilty women as well)
Childfree Chick
· 1 year ago
No Merc- I have to disagree. There usually isn't an equal amount of blame when fathers don't see their children or support them financially. If it were equal just as many men would be single fathers as there are women because women would be abandoning their children at an equal or comparable rate, and they don't.
For men who want to see their kids, visitation is a court date away if they'd only take the initiative.
Also, I can't find any good excuse that involves the MOTHER when a man isn't helping to support his kids financially.
Childfree Chick
· 1 year ago
Oh and protection is the responsibility of both parties...if one party leaves it all up to the other, they deserve whatever fate occurs from that poor decision.
Regardless though, once a kid is here, Daddy needs to fucking pay up whether he wanted the child or not. It's HIS CHILD. Better him paying than my welfare dollars.
Anonymous
· 1 year ago
Unless the guy was oopsed, of course. Men: bring your own condoms and put them on yourself!
Mercurior
· 1 year ago
but visitation is biased against men. oh yes they can visit them,, but only on sundays, and when the woman moves away. he still has the rights.. just he cant exercise them.
a lot of women once they have the "precious" child, thats it the mans role is done. and its a lot about money. how come so many divorces are started by women.
yes there are deadbeat dads, but there there are women who just use the divorce to get money.
so there is an equal guilt, women denying fathers their rights (read fathers for justice, men who want to be with their children but arent allow by the women. so its not just men, to blame its also women http://www.fathersrightslawfirm.com/
"Before I aired the subject on this page I knew the statistics. Fifty per cent of all fathers lose touch with their children within three years of a family break-up. Being a mother, I assumed this meant a large number of men simply lost interest in their children over time, but you have taught me how the judicial system and the automatic bias of the courts towards the mother make it impossible for many fathers in our country to maintain a sustainable relationship with their children"
but then its all the mans fault. as everything is now.
Mercurior
· 1 year ago
Augustine Kposowa, a sociologist with the University of California at Riverside, has conducted studies concluding that suicide rates among divorced men are much higher than for divorced women or married men. He attributes the difference to what happens in family courts.
``Decades ago, the pendulum swung in favor of the men, but clearly in the past two decades, the system is stacking up against men,'' Kposowa said. ``The man loses his marriage, then he loses a second time when child custody is granted to the woman. Unless something is done, by examining family laws and having new policies to aid men, the situation is bound to get worse.''
Extrapolating from Kposowa's research, fathers' rights activist David Roberts says child-support orders contribute to suicides of more than 5,000 divorced fathers yearly
why are these 5000 men kiling themselves is it because they have no access to their children at all.
that the woman with the visitation order can do what she wants even break the order with NO punishment.
strawberry muffin
· 1 year ago
I have to agree with the first 2 comments. It's not like it's a mystery that single motherhood is hard. And there's more contraceptive choices than you can shake a stick at. I can understand messing up once, but over and over, somebody needs a whap on the forehead: should've used a condom. Sorry, but bed, made, lie. As for deadbeat dads, we should keep in mind (as others have pointed out) that men basically have only 2 options for contraceptives: vas or condom. And if it fails, they have no options at all. I wonder how many deadbeat dads never wanted to be dads in the first place. Second, the family court system is extremely biased in favor of the mother. If the mom isn't an abusive crackwhore, the dad has almost no chance of getting custody. In some cases he can fight all he wants, as long as the mother is even minimally fit to parent, she wins.
rms
· 1 year ago
"I really wanted to write a post about how becoming a mother alters every aspect of a woman's life while fatherhood is basically something men can "opt out" of from the get go."
This for me is one of the main reasons why I'm childfree. I never had any interest in being the main caregiver for a child and even if the man does stay in the picture, it still falls to the woman to do most of the child care.
That being said, I agree it's up to both parties to take responsibility for birth control.
I wish your friend the best of luck in finding some way to help her relieve her burden if only so that she can figure out some other ways of dealing with her situation. When you feel stuck in a depression it has a downward spiral effect and you can't see options. I hope she gets some help so she can see a brighter light somewhere ahead.
Childfree Chick
· 1 year ago
Merc- you are REALLY NOT seeing the point of this post and your comment that "its all the mans fault. as everything is now" is seething with bitterness and sarcasm.
Last I checked, you were a CF male so WHY are you getting all bent out of shape about a post that deals with FATHERS when you aren't one???
In any case, I STAND by my statement that fatherhood is LARGELY a choice for men. Are there exceptions? SURE THERE ARE...just like with anything else in the world. I'm not addressing the exceptions. My point is that when BOTH parents are available to a child, the mother generally CARRIES MOST OF THE BURDEN and has less of a "choice" about what she can opt out of when it comes to the children.
Jeez, this blog is something I created and is full of MY viewpoints and observations. If you don't agree, I'd rather you move on to another website than get all testy in my comment section.
It's bad enough that breeders come here and argue, I don't intend to spar with CF people who are supposedly on the same side as I.
Miss Q
· 1 year ago
Hmm, I'll have to agree with merc on this one. Condoms have a succesrate of 95%. that means that it FAILS 5% of the time. A small chance, but still a chance. The only other option besides no sex at all, is having a vasectomy. And if the condom fails (which is possible, even with perfect use!), the man has no more options. He can't have an abortion: the woman is in complete control. Sorry, but if a guy has used a condom perfectly and it fails and the woman refuses to have an abortion, then I don't see why he should pay a dime.
strawberry muffin
· 1 year ago
I agree Miss Q, except condoms have an even lower rate of success than that... it's 85 percent. I would totally support the idea of men opting out of paying for unplanned kids if and only if they made reasonable use of a condom and the woman refuses to have an abortion. It's the only fair, since men should not be given a say in abortion because it gives them too much control over women.
Kellina
· 1 year ago
I think the comments got a bit off track when Mercurior changed the subject here. Re-reading this post, it was clear to me that CF chick was simply stating the fact that men have more freedom in their roles as fathers than women have in their roles as mothers. They can pretty much choose whether to be involved in their children's lives to a degree that women usually cannot. That's what I took from the post, anyway.
Mercurior came into the comments talking about how things are biased toward women, how women trap them, etc. when that's really not what the post was about in the first place.
I'd have to say I agree with CF chick. If a guy gets a woman knocked up with a child that's his flesh and blood, I'd prefer him to help financially than have the mother getting handouts subsidized by my tax dollars. He fucked her...I didn't. He should pay for the kid, NOT ME or any other working stiff who doesn't have a damn thing to do with it.
strawberry muffin
· 1 year ago
Tax dollars shouldn't pay for those breeders either. If she ends up supporting a kid on her own, that's her problem. In this day and age there's almost no excuse for having a kid you can't support. If she fails to use hormonal birth control to back up the condom, then won't use Plan B, or give it up for adoption or get an abortion, she shouldn't be able to stick it to the dope that lost his choice in the matter after the condom broke or charge society for her decisions. She should scrounge up the money from whatever couch cushion she can and lie in the bed she made. Ain't nobody's fault but hers.
John
· 1 year ago
Some of the comments here I agree with, others I don't. I'm a 43 year old CF guy with a 10 year old vasectomy.
I do believe that it's the woman's fault to be a poor judge of character to have *2* dead-beat dads and also to have 3 children when probably one would suffice.
I also agree that it's tough for her as she's looking after the children 99% of the time, I'd be suicidal if that happened to me (I have depression).
As a childfree person, I see a lot of complaining.
"He won't pay child support".
"She accused me of being violent so she could get custody, I was forced to go to an anger management course so I could see my children even though I haven't been charged with any crime"
"I spend all the time with my children, I have no life. I am counting down the days until they go to school"
"She had an affair while we were married, now I am forced to pay child support for a child that is not even mine."
"I am living from day to day financially".
I see a roughly equal level of complaining, probably things are as good as they can get.
GottabeMe
· 1 year ago
I have to confess, it does bug me when people make poor choices about contraceptives/mates/having and or keeping kids they can't afford.
I know of a 23 year old who has two kids, one is 3, the other is 2. She is a SAHM, largely because she's not qualified to do anything. Her spelling/typing skills are horrible, she has severe mood swings and her people skills are non-existent, so even receoptionist or admin jobs are out.
She and her husband (who is a custodian at a college and delivers pizza on weekends) live with her family, because of their money situation. They don't have insurance and are on public assistance. She regularly complains about how she hates her life, etc., but then will turn around and talk about how they want to have more kids. She will talk about how being a mom is so wonderful, and then say to her kids "If you don't stop that I'm gonna beat your ass."
I have a really hard time feeling sorry for her.
It sounds like your friend is more self-aware. She wants to be a good mom, knows she's made some poor choices, but is doing her best to be responsible and be a good parent. I hope she talks to someone, even just social services. They should at least be able to help her with getting child support from the kids' fathers.
Miko
· 1 year ago
Okay, back to the original topic of how easy it is to pick-and-choose the good aspects of fathering rather than mothering: what really burns me up is when middle-aged men dump their "first" families and start again making subsequent ones with younger wives, often depriving their first set of kids of love and money in the process (although I'm sure that many don't start out with that evil intention, it just kind of happens that way). Why is this such an issue with me? Well, it was when my father admitted to me a few years ago that his third marriage/set of kids was the happiest after all ("third time's a charm!") as if his previous two marriages/kids, including me, were merely practice runs that happened to leave two unhappy, impoverished wives and a bunch of screwed up children. I mean, what the FUCK??? Some men take such an incredibly cavalier attitude towards parenthood, as though it's something that they can pick up and drop whenever they please. I know of very few right-minded women who do the same thing.
Childfree Chick, your friend will be able to find a lot of comfort in the close and happy relationships that she develops with her children. Please advise her to focus on this without letting other distractions get in the way (especially men!). And tell her not to bother relying on anyone but herself from now on. She can do it.
Feh23
· 1 year ago
I still would like to know the reasoning behind either breeding genders idea that "I have one kid and it sucks. This next one should make things much better."
FMS
· 1 year ago
I have a hard time feeling sorry as well. As the previous posters have said, I can understand one mistake. It is MORE than poor choices when you continue to do the same thing over and over again. No wonder she is going over the edge, she was already near it conceiving child #2 and #3. I also agree that any woman who decides to have a child needs to think in the back of her mind that she may end up doing it alone. It's not the 1950's. The fathers no longer marry out of obligation. They would sooner push you down a flight of stairs (A Kiss Before Dying, anyone?) than be a reliable father.
I too wonder just how many of these fathers never wanted to be fathers in the first place. I've heard too many woman say that the baby was planned and he changed his mind only to find out later, it was planned alright...by her!
When she informed these fathers of their upcoming duties, did they jump for joy or were they trying to get out then? If so, she had all of the time in the world to have it taken care of. If she chooses to keep them in spite of the fathers’ wishes, then this is the bed that she made for herself and she'll get no sympathy from me. She chose to have them, so choose to give up your "me" time until they are adults or at least until one of them is old enough to watch the others, like I see these other pitiful mothers do.
Again, no sympathy from me. Women should take charge of their own fertility. I do what I need to do to stay child free and so do all of you. She may want to act like she had a high school health class and use a condom or something. My 14 year old niece has more sense than some of these so called adult women, I swear.
It IS true that the fathers can chose to be fathers once the children are here, but the mothers can chose to be mothers before the kids get here. If he promised to be the best father in the world it wouldn’t make a bit of difference if she didn’t want to be a mother and never bring the child into this world. Also, these idiot men should realize that they are often sleeping with the enemy and sometimes she wants more out of him than he is willing to give. If they don’t want their quality of life to change, they need to be more diligent about protection.
I know that she is your friend and you may not like what some of us are saying. But truthfully, if she wasn't your friend would you actually care? Would you care that she has sentenced herself to this life by poor choices in contraceptives (if she used any at all) and even poorer choices in men? The cycle is both sick and sad. Hopefully her little crumb-snatchers will have learned from her mistakes and the welfare system can stop attacking my pockets. Maybe the government can stop rewarding the breeders and maybe give ME a little extra in MY income tax refund because I don't contribute to our ever growing debt by popping out kids that need to go to daycare, eat, and have a roof over their heads that the government has to pay for because I think I'm in love, going to get married and it's okay to have 5 kids in the meantime. Ugh!
Condoms or close ‘em!
CactusHeart
· 1 year ago
Childfree chick, is this the same 'friend' you wrote about in a previous blog? If so, I TOLD you she'd get pregnant again...and with a different dude? See what I said about not being able to learn from shitty decisions?
Strawberry Muffin, you said:"As for deadbeat dads, we should keep in mind (as others have pointed out) that men basically have only 2 options for contraceptives: vas or condom. And if it fails, they have no options at all. I wonder how many deadbeat dads never wanted to be dads in the first place"
I completely agree....Part of me can't help but feel a little bad for the deadbeat dads, particularly the ones who were "OOPS"ed on (which should be a reprehensible crime, IMO). I can't understand how a guy is able to live with the fact that, at any moment, the woman he's with can easily lie about "being on the pill" or some shit in an attempt to 'entrap' them with a baby whether they like it, are ready for it or not. I guess that's not even on the guy's radar screen when he's got a raging boner *lol* Many women say "it's my body, it's my choice" where's the GUY'S say in it???
RunGirl.
· 1 year ago
"I don't know what I'd do if I was in her shoes but I can TOTALLY see myself packing the kids up in the car, dropping them off at their father's houses, and hightailing it out of the fucking state never to be seen again" I was thinking the exact same thing while reading this blog. I'd set it up so they would see their father(s) alone and never return. Sure that sounds horrible and the kids would be crushed by the abandonment, but sometimes you gotta save yourself. Jay-Z said it best, "In order to survive you gotta learn to live with regrets ..."
GypsyWytch
· 9 months ago
I'm with Childfree Chick on this one. Go ahead and watch an episode of the Maury show where they do paternity tests. When one of them reveals that the bum on the set is, in fact, the father, he'll say "I will handle my responsibilities." Then the audience APPLAUDS him! Why the flying fuck does he deserve any applause? Where was the applause for the mother for taking care of the kid? Oh, I forgot, she's the mother and that's her duty.
Also, if a guy can plant his seed in seven different women and get away with it, why is a woman called a slut for having four kids with four guys? And don't act like I'm defending breeding or promiscuity; I'm not. I'm just asking for a little consistency here.
Furthermore, if the house is a mess, no matter who spends all day at work, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault. Laundry not done? Woman's fault. Dinner not cooked? Woman's fault. Child is dirty? Woman's fault. It's so blatantly unfair it makes me want to shoot a bunch of people in a mall. I'm just glad I'll never have to deal with such a mess of bullshit EVER.
All Comments
Worse, the martyr attitude of, "I NEVER get a day off because the baby-daddy won't take the kid, ever" doesn't endear me to them, either. What, they can't hire a babysitter? Or have friends or relatives watch the kid(s) while they get out once in a while? They won't get help unless they ask for it.
And then maybe they should have picked a decent man to reproduce with.
It's not like they fell accidentally into a vat of semen through no fault of their own. Avoiding the nightmare of single motherhood is not exactly on the same level as nuclear engineering or something.
It takes two people to make a child, but really only the female gets to decide whether or not to keep it. Every person who decides to breed should seriously ask themself "What if I end up raising this kid alone?". Marriage, even to the most glorious person in the world, is no guarantee. Marriages fail, and people die, all the time.
And even if the marriage remains intact, it's usually up to the mother to do most of the grunt work of raising children. I know a childed couple where Dad stays at home during the day, while Mom works full time, his work schedule is appointment based. I used to think that was pretty cool until I found out that the way it fleshes out is that Dad stays home and cares for the kid all day, when Mom comes home he hightails it off to band practice (because he Must Have man time)leaving her to do the cleaning, cooking and all the other crap work that goes along with keeping house.
it does take 2, did she really speak to the man and hear what he said and what he didnt say.
did she want these children and expect him to be a wonderful father.
to just blame the men for not being there, i know stories about men who want to be there in their kids lives, but the women doesnt allow it.
this woman i have ranter about elsewhere, she has 4 kids 4 different fathers, she never used protection and the men she got involved with 2 are criminals and drug dealers (and drug takers), and she still expected them to stay when they were irresponsible to begin with. did she have the kids to change him.
there are both sides to this (i am not saying men are innocent all the time, just there is an equal amount of blame and guilty women as well)
For men who want to see their kids, visitation is a court date away if they'd only take the initiative.
Also, I can't find any good excuse that involves the MOTHER when a man isn't helping to support his kids financially.
Regardless though, once a kid is here, Daddy needs to fucking pay up whether he wanted the child or not. It's HIS CHILD. Better him paying than my welfare dollars.
a lot of women once they have the "precious" child, thats it the mans role is done. and its a lot about money. how come so many divorces are started by women.
yes there are deadbeat dads, but there there are women who just use the divorce to get money.
so there is an equal guilt, women denying fathers their rights (read fathers for justice, men who want to be with their children but arent allow by the women. so its not just men, to blame its also women http://www.fathersrightslawfirm.com/
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?view=BLOGDETAIL&grid=P30&blog=yourview&xml=/news/2006/11/29/ublview29.xml
but yes all men must be deadbeats,
"Before I aired the subject on this page I knew the statistics. Fifty per cent of all fathers lose touch with their children within three years of a family break-up. Being a mother, I assumed this meant a large number of men simply lost interest in their children over time, but you have taught me how the judicial system and the automatic bias of the courts towards the mother make it impossible for many fathers in our country to maintain a sustainable relationship with their children"
but then its all the mans fault. as everything is now.
``Decades ago, the pendulum swung in favor of the men, but clearly in the past two decades, the system is stacking up against men,'' Kposowa said. ``The man loses his marriage, then he loses a second time when child custody is granted to the woman. Unless something is done, by examining family laws and having new policies to aid men, the situation is bound to get worse.''
Extrapolating from Kposowa's research, fathers' rights activist David Roberts says child-support orders contribute to suicides of more than 5,000 divorced fathers yearly
why are these 5000 men kiling themselves is it because they have no access to their children at all.
that the woman with the visitation order can do what she wants even break the order with NO punishment.
As for deadbeat dads, we should keep in mind (as others have pointed out) that men basically have only 2 options for contraceptives: vas or condom. And if it fails, they have no options at all. I wonder how many deadbeat dads never wanted to be dads in the first place.
Second, the family court system is extremely biased in favor of the mother. If the mom isn't an abusive crackwhore, the dad has almost no chance of getting custody. In some cases he can fight all he wants, as long as the mother is even minimally fit to parent, she wins.
This for me is one of the main reasons why I'm childfree. I never had any interest in being the main caregiver for a child and even if the man does stay in the picture, it still falls to the woman to do most of the child care.
That being said, I agree it's up to both parties to take responsibility for birth control.
I wish your friend the best of luck in finding some way to help her relieve her burden if only so that she can figure out some other ways of dealing with her situation. When you feel stuck in a depression it has a downward spiral effect and you can't see options. I hope she gets some help so she can see a brighter light somewhere ahead.
Last I checked, you were a CF male so WHY are you getting all bent out of shape about a post that deals with FATHERS when you aren't one???
In any case, I STAND by my statement that fatherhood is LARGELY a choice for men. Are there exceptions? SURE THERE ARE...just like with anything else in the world. I'm not addressing the exceptions. My point is that when BOTH parents are available to a child, the mother generally CARRIES MOST OF THE BURDEN and has less of a "choice" about what she can opt out of when it comes to the children.
Jeez, this blog is something I created and is full of MY viewpoints and observations. If you don't agree, I'd rather you move on to another website than get all testy in my comment section.
It's bad enough that breeders come here and argue, I don't intend to spar with CF people who are supposedly on the same side as I.
Mercurior came into the comments talking about how things are biased toward women, how women trap them, etc. when that's really not what the post was about in the first place.
I'd have to say I agree with CF chick. If a guy gets a woman knocked up with a child that's his flesh and blood, I'd prefer him to help financially than have the mother getting handouts subsidized by my tax dollars. He fucked her...I didn't. He should pay for the kid, NOT ME or any other working stiff who doesn't have a damn thing to do with it.
I do believe that it's the woman's fault to be a poor judge of character to have *2* dead-beat dads and also to have 3 children when probably one would suffice.
I also agree that it's tough for her as she's looking after the children 99% of the time, I'd be suicidal if that happened to me (I have depression).
As a childfree person, I see a lot of complaining.
"He won't pay child support".
"She accused me of being violent so she could get custody, I was forced to go to an anger management course so I could see my children even though I haven't been charged with any crime"
"I spend all the time with my children, I have no life. I am counting down the days until they go to school"
"She had an affair while we were married, now I am forced to pay child support for a child that is not even mine."
"I am living from day to day financially".
I see a roughly equal level of complaining, probably things are as good as they can get.
I know of a 23 year old who has two kids, one is 3, the other is 2. She is a SAHM, largely because she's not qualified to do anything. Her spelling/typing skills are horrible, she has severe mood swings and her people skills are non-existent, so even receoptionist or admin jobs are out.
She and her husband (who is a custodian at a college and delivers pizza on weekends) live with her family, because of their money situation. They don't have insurance and are on public assistance. She regularly complains about how she hates her life, etc., but then will turn around and talk about how they want to have more kids. She will talk about how being a mom is so wonderful, and then say to her kids "If you don't stop that I'm gonna beat your ass."
I have a really hard time feeling sorry for her.
It sounds like your friend is more self-aware. She wants to be a good mom, knows she's made some poor choices, but is doing her best to be responsible and be a good parent.
I hope she talks to someone, even just social services. They should at least be able to help her with getting child support from the kids' fathers.
Childfree Chick, your friend will be able to find a lot of comfort in the close and happy relationships that she develops with her children. Please advise her to focus on this without letting other distractions get in the way (especially men!). And tell her not to bother relying on anyone but herself from now on. She can do it.
I too wonder just how many of these fathers never wanted to be fathers in the first place. I've heard too many woman say that the baby was planned and he changed his mind only to find out later, it was planned alright...by her!
When she informed these fathers of their upcoming duties, did they jump for joy or were they trying to get out then? If so, she had all of the time in the world to have it taken care of. If she chooses to keep them in spite of the fathers’ wishes, then this is the bed that she made for herself and she'll get no sympathy from me. She chose to have them, so choose to give up your "me" time until they are adults or at least until one of them is old enough to watch the others, like I see these other pitiful mothers do.
Again, no sympathy from me. Women should take charge of their own fertility. I do what I need to do to stay child free and so do all of you. She may want to act like she had a high school health class and use a condom or something. My 14 year old niece has more sense than some of these so called adult women, I swear.
It IS true that the fathers can chose to be fathers once the children are here, but the mothers can chose to be mothers before the kids get here. If he promised to be the best father in the world it wouldn’t make a bit of difference if she didn’t want to be a mother and never bring the child into this world. Also, these idiot men should realize that they are often sleeping with the enemy and sometimes she wants more out of him than he is willing to give. If they don’t want their quality of life to change, they need to be more diligent about protection.
I know that she is your friend and you may not like what some of us are saying. But truthfully, if she wasn't your friend would you actually care? Would you care that she has sentenced herself to this life by poor choices in contraceptives (if she used any at all) and even poorer choices in men? The cycle is both sick and sad. Hopefully her little crumb-snatchers will have learned from her mistakes and the welfare system can stop attacking my pockets. Maybe the government can stop rewarding the breeders and maybe give ME a little extra in MY income tax refund because I don't contribute to our ever growing debt by popping out kids that need to go to daycare, eat, and have a roof over their heads that the government has to pay for because I think I'm in love, going to get married and it's okay to have 5 kids in the meantime. Ugh!
Condoms or close ‘em!
Strawberry Muffin, you said:"As for deadbeat dads, we should keep in mind (as others have pointed out) that men basically have only 2 options for contraceptives: vas or condom. And if it fails, they have no options at all. I wonder how many deadbeat dads never wanted to be dads in the first place"
I completely agree....Part of me can't help but feel a little bad for the deadbeat dads, particularly the ones who were "OOPS"ed on (which should be a reprehensible crime, IMO). I can't understand how a guy is able to live with the fact that, at any moment, the woman he's with can easily lie about "being on the pill" or some shit in an attempt to 'entrap' them with a baby whether they like it, are ready for it or not. I guess that's not even on the guy's radar screen when he's got a raging boner *lol* Many women say "it's my body, it's my choice" where's the GUY'S say in it???
I was thinking the exact same thing while reading this blog. I'd set it up so they would see their father(s) alone and never return. Sure that sounds horrible and the kids would be crushed by the abandonment, but sometimes you gotta save yourself. Jay-Z said it best, "In order to survive you gotta learn to live with regrets ..."
Also, if a guy can plant his seed in seven different women and get away with it, why is a woman called a slut for having four kids with four guys? And don't act like I'm defending breeding or promiscuity; I'm not. I'm just asking for a little consistency here.
Furthermore, if the house is a mess, no matter who spends all day at work, it's ALWAYS the woman's fault. Laundry not done? Woman's fault. Dinner not cooked? Woman's fault. Child is dirty? Woman's fault. It's so blatantly unfair it makes me want to shoot a bunch of people in a mall. I'm just glad I'll never have to deal with such a mess of bullshit EVER.